I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
