She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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