The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
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