if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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