My hair reeks of homosexuality.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
