Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize