I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
