I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
