I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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