Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
