he wants to bone in the snuggie
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
