i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
