i may or may not be watching the land before time
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
