He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
