even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
