you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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