I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
