i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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