What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
