Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When did angry sex become our thing?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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