how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
