She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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