why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
