By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
