Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
