dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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