you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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