You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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