i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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