i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
