i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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