my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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