Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
