Your face is a jimmy john
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
