ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
