my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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