You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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