ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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