ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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