We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
