Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
