We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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