How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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