I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
