Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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