So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
