I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This baby is an asshole
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
