how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
