the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
