I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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