Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
