dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
