if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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