i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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