Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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