I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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