i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
