Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
