for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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