Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My dick has a subreddit
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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