Heybabeimwearingurpanties
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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