Banned from zoo.
Again?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
