He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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