I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
