Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
