i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
