Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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