I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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