I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
