She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
