I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
