I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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