hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
