Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
