I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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