Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
