tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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