I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
