He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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