Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
