And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
