If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
